Big Baby

Today Mackayla woke up a short while after she went down for her nap. She is teething, so I wasn't surprised. (It's amazing that it took me a few children to figure out that when my children get really irritable for no apparent reason they actually do have a reason, although I always hear some kids never show any signs of teething. Her teeth are almost through though!)
I had big plans to clean our house.
Instead I went in an swept her up and held her. I think she probably would have gone back to sleep after a while of crying, but today I was just thinking about how she is getting so big and I knew that I wouldn't be able to hold her while she sleeps much longer.

At 18 months:

You love doing anything your brother and sister do.

You love being outside.

You are in church nursery now. That means you are officially on the role and just keep coming with me:)!

You love animals. Your favorite books are about animals, especially Noah's Big Boat, right now.

You still love blueberries, hot dogs, apples (and will eat everything but the stem:))

You love to crawl around on the floor like a kitty, meowing.

You love your dad.

You say new words every day and can put two words together.

Usually a nice holler works well for you though!

You love doing animal sounds.

You love waving goodbye when you see that someone is leaving.
You love backpacks. Sometimes you get a backpack and sing the Dora song that says 'Backpack Backpack.'

You love helping.

You have the camera figured out

And love to pose

I took you to the doctor and they weighed and measured you. Our pediatricians everywhere else always gave us a printout of the stats, but these ones don't. I wrote them down and lost them in the abyss of my purse. I think you are 24 pounds. But I do remember you being in the 75% for height and 68% for weight.

 You love clothes and bring new outfits out several times a day, and love to try on shoes. Between messy eating and changing for fun you sometimes go through several outfits a day! Right now you love putting shirts on for pants. I'm not sure if you haven't figured it out or if you just like to do it. Often you are just naked because you love getting undressed too.
I love your little faces. This one is especially priceless, but it doesn't come until the phone rings:

 We love you Mackayla!

Tread Lightly

Disclaimer: This is way too long and written in the most non-judgmental way possible for me. Everything we did that I write about was for OUR FAMILY, and only ours. Only some of my closest friends will know how hard this was to write. I didn't write this to justify our actions or defend our decisions. Maybe our experience will be enlightening for someone else taking the road less traveled.

The 2011 DVM graduating class at Washington State University was around 100 students.

That degree was not earned easily.

A handful of the graduates were married.

Four of the 100 had kids.

Those years are not for the faint of heart.

At graduation they had a huge screen showing picture slides of all the graduates
This is what we submitted to be shown at the ceremony, May 7, 2011 (our anniversary!)

I love that Ben considers us part of his graduation. He worked so hard and ultimately did the school work, but we worked together to accomplish that goal.

To think we could have done it without our kids would mean we would have missed out on some of the best memories of our entire lives.

I love these pics taken by my sister and her husband.

Ironically, I would do it all over again, and again and again, I loved it so. much.

Some of my best friends and memories were made struggling through the years of learning how to be a wife, mom, and student all at the same time.

During those years I learned a lot about life. This is one of the better lessons:

Ben and I scrimped and saved for three years prior to school. Ben sold his truck, his horse trailer and his horses. He worked summers during vet school and we took out some student loans. The price of education for a doctor of veterinary medicine is similar to that of lawyers, doctors and dental students, to put it in perspective.

During those four years of school we did not go out to eat (unless our parents treated us, we love you), we did not buy extra things, and our "budget" consisted of 'trying not to spend money' we didn't have to spend to survive.

These are the years I learned how to be a mom and how to be a homemaker, (that includes my attempts at cooking!). We had pondered and prayed endlessly about having kids when we did. We had talked about waiting until we were done with school. By the time I got pregnant I already knew Ben would be going to vet school. He was just finishing up his bachelor's degree. In fact, just a couple days after Cody was born Ben flew to Washington for his interview! Before I got pregnant I added the numbers over and over again in my head. How do moms not work when their husbands are in school?  Have you wondered that? But as we prayed and talked we decided we would take the plunge into the unknown, do our best, and trust it would all work out. I believe God answers prayers.

After I had my first baby, having done paralegal work, I got a job as a legal coder that I could do from home. I battled with a little bit of baby blues that seemed to extend to a bit of post partum (nothing incredibly serious, but still a bummer) and I was also 'blessed' to either not have a child who didn't need sleep, or I didn't have the capability to get him to sleep - day or night. I worked as a legal coder part time for several months and then just couldn't make it work and keep my sanity. After that, during vet school for extra income I also babysat, delivered medication, made beaded watches (broke even:)!), and a few other random things (chacha - ugh!). Mostly though, I was home with the kiddos.

Doing legal coding with my helper buddy

After the first year of living on savings we began taking out minimal students loans for some living expenses. Buying a sweater for $30 on loans feels wrong, but thinking about buying a sweater for $30 times 30 years of interest at 7% feels like a sin. It made self control a little easier. We took out barely enough to survive each semester and always paid tithing on any extra income we made. One time I bought a pair of nice running shoes with birthday money from my parents and it felt like a huge exorbitant purchase. It's the only time I remember buying something even remotely that expensive. Anything above ten dollars that wasn't simply to allow us to survive was carefully considered and discussed. I cannot count the number of times I would wonder how the numbers added up at the end of each semester and would conclude that I believe in paying tithing.

Also at the end of that year we had an opportunity that felt like an answer to our prayers. We were applying to manage several apartment complexes of campus housing. We knew the hiring manager and he told us we unofficially had the job, we just had to formally interview. This job would allow us to get through vet school. Because I had PREVIOUSLY decided that I was going to be home with my kids, this was the perfect job-it would allow me to do that.  I can't explain what happened at the meeting to decide our fate. It supposedly lasted a long time and was split 50/50 but they ended up giving the job to a different, and I'm sure, nice, couple. They barely could speak conversational english. It was not in the cards for us. It was humbling.

Working is a wonderful option. I admire the women who do. I babysat one mother's kids during her husband's first year of vet school. I know the hours involved with that dreaded first year (oh, and all the other years). I knew she rarely, IF EVER, saw her husband. But I don't know how it is to work at a job and raise my kids alone. Occasionally she would bring her new baby over wearing the same thing from the day before, after she had worked all night long. I would bathe that sweet baby maybe not fully realizing the sacrifice that must have been for their family. It kind of brings tears to my eyes thinking about how hard they were working for what they believed in. She is a GOOD MOM. I admire that family.

I have another friend who, after paying childcare, made $2 an hour. But she told me that at the end of the month they needed those $2 an hour paychecks to make ends meet. She is now the manager, but she never could have known that in the beginning. It was right for her family. She told me how judged she felt when people found that out, and that is sad to me. It is so easy to judge each other. But frankly,  we're all doing what's best for our own families.

I have another brilliant friend who is an attorney. Amidst other associates who might not choose to raise a family she chose to have a baby. She is finding balance between staying up all night and working to provide a living and pay off student loan debt while her husband finishes medical school. That takes courage and sacrifice too.

Ben, me and baby #3!

We did not get through vet school without other help. As we sacrificed and worked towards accomplishing that thing called self reliance, we found we needed some help just to get us through the toughest years. And while we put in the grit and hard work of fulfilling a dream, our parents gave us the extra push to get us through. I'm afraid there is not enough we could ever to do repay them. It seemed like someone was always sending a baby outfit or helping out with new car tires or coming to visit. When I toot my own horn about being frugal, I'm not acknowledging that moms would occasionally send generous care packages, that my mom would send a new shirt just because or that my mother in law surprised me by sending me my much loved sewing machine for my birthday. And much more. One dear friend used to send us gift certificates. I was so grateful that at graduation both of our parents were able to attend. It was a tribute to them and as much their accomplishment as ours.

Ben's overwhelmingly long hours in school completely ruled out the slightest possibility of him working during the school year, and the probability of me finding employment to justify paying for daycare and substantial enough to cover living expenses was minimal in this small college, land-island town, but as I mentioned earlier I had PREVIOUSLY decided not to work. Our family needed the stability of someone in the home when one of the parents couldn't be there, and that decision felt right for our family. Aren't we lucky that we don't have to judge each other? We can leave that to the judgments of God. Praying and doing what is best for YOUR FAMILY is always the right answer.

An unforeseen ending to (or prolonging of!) school led Ben to his internship (again, a great decision for our family). Even though internships barely pay enough for ONE PERSON to survive let alone five we never went without and always had some to spare. I believe in working hard and I. Believe. in paying tithing.

What a blessing we had to know that things would get better. I can't imagine living far below the poverty level without the hope of a better life. That sacrifice will always be worth the benefit. Even at our lowest point, we knew things would change.

I feel blessed to have a husband and family who support me in my decision to stay at home. I am grateful for a mother in law who raised her son 'at home' and a mother who raised me 'at home.' It is becoming a lost art that is not valued. I am not concerned with what the world values. I feel that for our family and our circumstances, staying at home for me is the best option and the one I humbly and gratefully choose. The numbers don't always add up, but the blessings do! I don't assume that every mom should stay home, every family is different. Everyone's circumstances are different. Am I admitting that I'm not smart enough to have a high paying career? I don't think so. Some moms can find a lucrative enough job to make it worth finding child care. Others choose not to. But there is not one right answer.
I DON'T think we should judge each other. Good people can choose different things.

Basically, I DO think living within our means is so vitally important. Even if sometimes that means having less. Sometimes having less is more. This is what really makes me happy:

The easiest thing to do is to support great causes, sign stirring petitions, endorse grand philosophies. The hardest thing to do - and it is getting harder all of the time - is to be a good husband, a good wife, a strong father, a strong mother, an honorable friend and neighbor.
~James Q. Wilson "The Moral Life"

This is a great article: What is truth?

Reading and Eating

 Reading with dad at night

is my favorite.

Cody is getting pretty good.

For him, it's a means to an end. The sooner he reads, the sooner he can learn about all the things he is interested in! And there are too many things to count.

Macey is also getting really good. To her it's no big deal and she always makes sure Cody feels smart. They both are.

Mackayla is hilarious. She loves to be part of everything. You can often hear her mimicking Cody's sounding out. mmmm-aaaa-t. I guess this is speaking practice for her.

Tonight we had a treat.

I just love making food up. I'm sure I am not the first one to invent this or anything, but I didn't even look at pinterest for it. Everything came out of my brain. And it was DELICIOUS!

Anyone that has ever talked to me knows I think pinterest is squelching creativity, but it's still my favorite website.

We got a vitamix for Christmas from Ben's parents and my fruit and vegetable intake quadrupled overnight. I love it!!

This is what we came up with, using my exact measurements.

Strawberry Almond Fig Ice Cream

Frozen Strawberries, a bunch

Whipping Cream, Half and Half, or Milk (whatever you think is better:)), about 1 1/2 cups

Blanched Almonds, a small handful

Chocolate Syrup, a couple long squirts

2 figs

Powdered Milk, 1/2 cup

ice cubes, a tray

1 Heated Rice Bag to sit on your lap while you eat ice cream in the winter
Mix them up in the blender on high

Delicious!!

Visiting Buttercup Baby and the Gang

Visits from grandma and grandpa can never come enough!

Normally very hesitant to go to others, Mackayla didn't miss a beat running to grandma and grandpa when they got here.

I wonder if facetime has made a difference because these guys are all usually a bit shy at first when they're little.

We of course went over to the coast.

It wasn't freezing cold, technically, but it was dang cold.

I love the rocks that stick out in random places all along the coast.

We stopped at the candy store where they pull taffy. 

Notice their feet:)...

As we hopped out of the car to go to the beach a light rain started.

We gathered pieces of sand dollars and walked out in our rain boots.

The waves always seem to get too high.

So being the prepared mom I am, I had extra sets of pants and socks.

But not shoes.

After that our choices were limited to either buying shoes or going places without shoes.

We opted to drive around enjoying the beautiful scenery along the coast,

(I love seeing this part of the country, it never gets old)

while the kids did this:

We stopped at Del's for rain boots and to see the baby chicks!

 In true Macey-luck, her baby chick pooped all over her hands and jacket.

They are so soft and cute though!

I'm terrible. I either always forgot to take pictures or my camera died just as I got ready to...so this picture is proof that grandpa was there. Look carefully!

They babysat for us while we made another day trek (I got to go this time!) to a job prospect. We got a tour of the town and clinic and a wonderful dinner (I need to be working out not blogging.)

Meanwhile grandma Bonnie cleaned our entire place and papa Jeff changed some lightbulbs in our house-they burn out all the time!-and other maintenance.

I'm not sure you could pay a babysitter enough for everything they did for us.

Grandparents are the best.

I'm sure grandkids agree.

 One of the benefits of them staying at a hotel (aside from some peace and quiet for them at night;)!) is the swimming pool!!

It was mad dashes to the elevator

 Mackayla loves to be big 

Then another mad dash to the pool:

 Macey aka 'Buttercup Baby'

but you can only call her that if you are Papa Jeff

and only if she's happy:)

He was the first to point out that one of Macey's most common phrases is "What the." (nothing else, just that:))

Cody gets poised to race before he dashes across the pool on his back.

I think a hotel pool on a Monday night might be the place where all traveling Utah mormon families go. We met two others in the short time we were there:)

 Just as we dropped them off at their hotel to go home and drove off, Macey let me know that she missed grandma and grandpa.
It will be interesting to see where we end up.
Hopefully somewhere that lets us see them even more!

Loving these years

My husband has been in California for a job interview. Fifteen minutes from the beach. Wouldn't that be nice. Maybe one of the possibilities, but we'll just have to wait and see. The point is, he's been gone and busy, so to find a card and my favorite candy this morning was a sweet surprise!

LOVE YOU!!

At preschool yesterday Macey had made me and Ben a valentine's day card. As she gave it to me in class she said "This is for you and dad because you got married and you love each other."

We are making valentine cookies today.

Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches

by Rachel Jankovic

If you have little kids, Get it, read it. A friend lent it to me. You will thank me. It only takes 2 hours.

It was kind of like Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy was for me when I was pregnant. Funny, informative and not so serious that it's stressful to read. Just pure good advice and a reminder that what you're doing is dang hard and totally worth it.

Something I'm learning to accept is the "slowing down" part of this time of life. This is not common sense to me people. I don't have a hard time understanding why kids can't come to everything but I do want to be the exception. And yes, I understand I'm not. And I'm learning I'm not. I can't always have a babysitter every time I want to do something sans children. So, I can't do certain things I want to do at this point in my life. It's a little depressing if I don't look at the big picture and realize this is such a short time in my life. Just keep it together self. Ben and I had a nice long chat about this last night. This is code for me talking a lot and him patiently listening and then giving me much needed words of wisdom. The answer always seems to be simplify:)

One of my favorite concepts in the motherhood book she writes about is this: your virtues are your vices are your virtues.
A simple way of saying bad characteristics or traits are manifestations of good things and vice versa. Our job is to help shape our children, so learn how to enhance their strengths.
I remember Macey's preschool teacher telling me to take the negative words I think of when describing her and think of positive replacements. i.e. sensitive=compassionate. Your kids hear you talk about them. Every negative behavior has an equally positive attribute. Do it for your husband, too:)
So my next question that formed in my head was: how do you take your vices and make them virtues, or just get rid of them??

Ether 12:27: "If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them."

Weaknesses (like vices) ...are blessings?! HUMILITY is ESSENTIAL. God's grace is too.

We made mac n cheese with gnocchi. Let's call it gnocheese. I did it the lazy way and just used a mac n cheese packet. It's goood. Thanks pinterest.

Macey has really been loving to make her bed lately.

She likes to fold blankets. Cute bum:)

 For Cody's birthday his grandma Sylvia gave him a dollar for each year, then a five for his sixth year. Ten dollars that was burning a hold in his pocket. So after agonizing about getting a toy, we went to a couple stores to find the perfect toy. A remote control spinning race car.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Dinosaur Birthday Party

The morning of Cody's birthday was as exciting as Christmas for the kids. 

Cody woke up early and came in and announced that he felt taller.

I made them all dinosaur spikes on their jackets for the events today.

 I had decorated the room sort of like a dinosaur jungle with vines. Maybe I ran out of steam halfway through. I asked Cody if it looked like vines in a jungle. "No way." (As in, not even a little bit. Not at all.) "Is that a good thing, mom?" he questioned? My family is always pretty honest with me.

"Yes. I don't want it to look like a dinosaur jungle. This {whatever it may be} is perfect," I assured him.

 The party finally started and we shot our little pteradactyls. I had forgotten to seal off the tops so they flew two feet. pfflt. Oh well, they're cute. Next activity. 

The giant ERUPTING volcano! It doesn't look like a volcano but I figured the eruption would make up for that.

Ben threw in the mentos into the coke:

A small tiny puff of smoke mesmerized...nobody. (there's the smoke) 

Oh well. Next activity. We hunted for dinosaur eggs and smashed them open.

Then smashed open a dinosaur egg pinata

The lava cake actually worked. At least something reactive worked:)!

This is the before pic with a little rock candy volcano and toy dinosaurs on the not-so-volcanically-shaped volcano. I loved the tutorial because it kept reassuring me that it's okay if the volcano isn't perfect, it's a geological formation. That's my kind of cake.

We added dry ice and the lava

It gave off some smoke, but wait...

Add water...

And smoke and lava flow out.

Even Macey, not as expressive in her 'impressed' reactions, gave an eye raise.

Friends: Hallie, CD, Jax, Maddyx, Tessa, Dreyton, Lizzie

Happy Birthday "bigger-than-a-6-year-old Cody." Now you are 6.

He has such a grateful heart and truly loves every present he was given. He is so easy to please and could not have been more thrilled with his party.

From family Grandma Sylvia sent him marbleworks

Cousin Clayton and Brody gave him their favorite book

He chose some trains and a Nerf gun

And Grandma Bonnie and Papa Jeff are coming to visit this week! (Happy Anniversary today!)

We love you Cody!!