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Disclaimer: This is way too long and written in the most non-judgmental way possible for me. Everything we did that I write about was for OUR FAMILY, and only ours. Only some of my closest friends will know how hard this was to write. I didn't write this to justify our actions or defend our decisions. Maybe our experience will be enlightening for someone else taking the road less traveled.

The 2011 DVM graduating class at Washington State University was around 100 students.

That degree was not earned easily.

A handful of the graduates were married.

Four of the 100 had kids.

Those years are not for the faint of heart.

At graduation they had a huge screen showing picture slides of all the graduates
This is what we submitted to be shown at the ceremony, May 7, 2011 (our anniversary!)

I love that Ben considers us part of his graduation. He worked so hard and ultimately did the school work, but we worked together to accomplish that goal.

To think we could have done it without our kids would mean we would have missed out on some of the best memories of our entire lives.

I love these pics taken by my sister and her husband.

Ironically, I would do it all over again, and again and again, I loved it so. much.

Some of my best friends and memories were made struggling through the years of learning how to be a wife, mom, and student all at the same time.

During those years I learned a lot about life. This is one of the better lessons:

Ben and I scrimped and saved for three years prior to school. Ben sold his truck, his horse trailer and his horses. He worked summers during vet school and we took out some student loans. The price of education for a doctor of veterinary medicine is similar to that of lawyers, doctors and dental students, to put it in perspective.

During those four years of school we did not go out to eat (unless our parents treated us, we love you), we did not buy extra things, and our "budget" consisted of 'trying not to spend money' we didn't have to spend to survive.

These are the years I learned how to be a mom and how to be a homemaker, (that includes my attempts at cooking!). We had pondered and prayed endlessly about having kids when we did. We had talked about waiting until we were done with school. By the time I got pregnant I already knew Ben would be going to vet school. He was just finishing up his bachelor's degree. In fact, just a couple days after Cody was born Ben flew to Washington for his interview! Before I got pregnant I added the numbers over and over again in my head. How do moms not work when their husbands are in school?  Have you wondered that? But as we prayed and talked we decided we would take the plunge into the unknown, do our best, and trust it would all work out. I believe God answers prayers.

After I had my first baby, having done paralegal work, I got a job as a legal coder that I could do from home. I battled with a little bit of baby blues that seemed to extend to a bit of post partum (nothing incredibly serious, but still a bummer) and I was also 'blessed' to either not have a child who didn't need sleep, or I didn't have the capability to get him to sleep - day or night. I worked as a legal coder part time for several months and then just couldn't make it work and keep my sanity. After that, during vet school for extra income I also babysat, delivered medication, made beaded watches (broke even:)!), and a few other random things (chacha - ugh!). Mostly though, I was home with the kiddos.

Doing legal coding with my helper buddy

After the first year of living on savings we began taking out minimal students loans for some living expenses. Buying a sweater for $30 on loans feels wrong, but thinking about buying a sweater for $30 times 30 years of interest at 7% feels like a sin. It made self control a little easier. We took out barely enough to survive each semester and always paid tithing on any extra income we made. One time I bought a pair of nice running shoes with birthday money from my parents and it felt like a huge exorbitant purchase. It's the only time I remember buying something even remotely that expensive. Anything above ten dollars that wasn't simply to allow us to survive was carefully considered and discussed. I cannot count the number of times I would wonder how the numbers added up at the end of each semester and would conclude that I believe in paying tithing.

Also at the end of that year we had an opportunity that felt like an answer to our prayers. We were applying to manage several apartment complexes of campus housing. We knew the hiring manager and he told us we unofficially had the job, we just had to formally interview. This job would allow us to get through vet school. Because I had PREVIOUSLY decided that I was going to be home with my kids, this was the perfect job-it would allow me to do that.  I can't explain what happened at the meeting to decide our fate. It supposedly lasted a long time and was split 50/50 but they ended up giving the job to a different, and I'm sure, nice, couple. They barely could speak conversational english. It was not in the cards for us. It was humbling.

Working is a wonderful option. I admire the women who do. I babysat one mother's kids during her husband's first year of vet school. I know the hours involved with that dreaded first year (oh, and all the other years). I knew she rarely, IF EVER, saw her husband. But I don't know how it is to work at a job and raise my kids alone. Occasionally she would bring her new baby over wearing the same thing from the day before, after she had worked all night long. I would bathe that sweet baby maybe not fully realizing the sacrifice that must have been for their family. It kind of brings tears to my eyes thinking about how hard they were working for what they believed in. She is a GOOD MOM. I admire that family.

I have another friend who, after paying childcare, made $2 an hour. But she told me that at the end of the month they needed those $2 an hour paychecks to make ends meet. She is now the manager, but she never could have known that in the beginning. It was right for her family. She told me how judged she felt when people found that out, and that is sad to me. It is so easy to judge each other. But frankly,  we're all doing what's best for our own families.

I have another brilliant friend who is an attorney. Amidst other associates who might not choose to raise a family she chose to have a baby. She is finding balance between staying up all night and working to provide a living and pay off student loan debt while her husband finishes medical school. That takes courage and sacrifice too.

Ben, me and baby #3!

We did not get through vet school without other help. As we sacrificed and worked towards accomplishing that thing called self reliance, we found we needed some help just to get us through the toughest years. And while we put in the grit and hard work of fulfilling a dream, our parents gave us the extra push to get us through. I'm afraid there is not enough we could ever to do repay them. It seemed like someone was always sending a baby outfit or helping out with new car tires or coming to visit. When I toot my own horn about being frugal, I'm not acknowledging that moms would occasionally send generous care packages, that my mom would send a new shirt just because or that my mother in law surprised me by sending me my much loved sewing machine for my birthday. And much more. One dear friend used to send us gift certificates. I was so grateful that at graduation both of our parents were able to attend. It was a tribute to them and as much their accomplishment as ours.

Ben's overwhelmingly long hours in school completely ruled out the slightest possibility of him working during the school year, and the probability of me finding employment to justify paying for daycare and substantial enough to cover living expenses was minimal in this small college, land-island town, but as I mentioned earlier I had PREVIOUSLY decided not to work. Our family needed the stability of someone in the home when one of the parents couldn't be there, and that decision felt right for our family. Aren't we lucky that we don't have to judge each other? We can leave that to the judgments of God. Praying and doing what is best for YOUR FAMILY is always the right answer.

An unforeseen ending to (or prolonging of!) school led Ben to his internship (again, a great decision for our family). Even though internships barely pay enough for ONE PERSON to survive let alone five we never went without and always had some to spare. I believe in working hard and I. Believe. in paying tithing.

What a blessing we had to know that things would get better. I can't imagine living far below the poverty level without the hope of a better life. That sacrifice will always be worth the benefit. Even at our lowest point, we knew things would change.

I feel blessed to have a husband and family who support me in my decision to stay at home. I am grateful for a mother in law who raised her son 'at home' and a mother who raised me 'at home.' It is becoming a lost art that is not valued. I am not concerned with what the world values. I feel that for our family and our circumstances, staying at home for me is the best option and the one I humbly and gratefully choose. The numbers don't always add up, but the blessings do! I don't assume that every mom should stay home, every family is different. Everyone's circumstances are different. Am I admitting that I'm not smart enough to have a high paying career? I don't think so. Some moms can find a lucrative enough job to make it worth finding child care. Others choose not to. But there is not one right answer.
I DON'T think we should judge each other. Good people can choose different things.

Basically, I DO think living within our means is so vitally important. Even if sometimes that means having less. Sometimes having less is more. This is what really makes me happy:

The easiest thing to do is to support great causes, sign stirring petitions, endorse grand philosophies. The hardest thing to do - and it is getting harder all of the time - is to be a good husband, a good wife, a strong father, a strong mother, an honorable friend and neighbor.
~James Q. Wilson "The Moral Life"

This is a great article: What is truth?