Be Still: a Lesson on Reverence

I am teaching sharing time in primary on Sunday and I'm pretty excited.

We are having a lesson on Reverence. 

(Cause we need it. Summer gets a little wild:)!)

To start I am going to tell a very simplified story of

Finding a Treasure:

I have always loved collecting sea shells. 

But the one I found on this particular day is special.

I found it on South Beach in Oregon half tucked in the sand like this one:

 I loved South Beach because you could walk 100 yards into the ocean and the water would barely cover your rain boots.

There were always pieces of sand dollars at this beach, and I really wanted one.

We came alone to the beach. And by alone I mean we were new and alone to Oregon and Ben was working.

He worked 355 days of the 365 days that year - and not 8 to 5 - sun up to after sun down.

Moms of young kids know the feeling of constant chaos and needs of little people and the irony of feeling so isolated when you're constantly surrounded.

And I felt it, even while I loved watching these cute kiddos run around:

To make it more poignant,

While we were there we saw these people on the beach:

Doesn't that look fun?

I wished I could do that.

But they don't let moms with 3 babies go.

Then, I turned around and saw this:

I could see Ben and I doing that. (Except I would look super unskilled.)

But he was working.

At that point, I had a hard time seeing when these circumstances would ever change.

This was heavy on my mind. I prayed for peace while I stood quietly and watched the waves.

After walking just a couple more steps in the water

I stopped and looked down to find my treasure:

Three days before we came here I wrote down my list of goals on my blog and I had listed: find a sand dollar.

I'll be explaining to the kids that this treasure has to be handled carefully and kept in a special place.

How do we treat treasures? How I take care of a treasure is respecting it. In a similar way, we can treat treasures that are Heavenly Father's with respect and care. In places such as the temple, church, or, the scriptures, our family, and even ourselves. This is showing reverence to Him. 

Psalms 46:10 says,

 "Be still, and know that I am God."

If I had been doing this:

I never would have found this:

Finding treasures of knowledge don't always come from fun adventures, they come from quiet moments of reverence and reflection.

And that can bring true happiness.

Wherever you are.

Really, our outside circumstances can be beautiful or holy in and of themselves, but it is what's inside us that determines reverence or holiness to us.

We have been counseled to stand in holy places. Here are some other "holy places" to me:

even though it looked more like this:

“Reverence is an attitude toward Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ... It is something we feel inside our hearts no matter what is going on around us.” L. Tom Perry

In church, keeping our bodies still 

literally helps prepare our hearts and minds to receive inspiration.

And let the spirit teach us about God.

"Be still, and know that I am God."

California does have a lot to do, but I am hoping to find more treasures by finding balance. 

We sure do miss South Beach!!

1. Rev'rence is more than just quietly sitting:
   It's thinking of Father above,
   A feeling I get when I think of his blessings.
   I'm rev'rent, for rev'rence is love.
   When I'm rev'rent, it shows in my words and my deeds.
   The pathway to follow is clear.
   And when I am rev'rent, I know in my heart
   Heav'nly Father and Jesus are near.
   
   Some of the basic ideas aren't mine, they're from a friend from another wards' sharing time, but I heard it was good and she let me use them!

simple

I found these two random quotes sitting in drafts waiting to be elaborated on
But I think they speak for themselves:

The power of simplifying

I’m ravenous, and life looks to me so sparkly and beautiful, waiting to be devoured like a perfect apple. So I say yes, yes to everything, to that meal and that event and that trip and that person. It’s so delicious, and I don’t want to miss out on even one moment of it. And that’s the point: I miss all sorts of sacred and significant moments, because of my frantic insistence that I can do it all.  – Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet

Admiration's Disguise

"Competition or jealousy is often just a feeling of strong admiration in disguise."

From Day One - Life Lessons

My first baby turned eight yesterday!
Most of the lessons I have learned about parenting so far I actually learned the first moments of parenthood.

I was in the hospital for three days, and I kept waiting for someone in the hospital to come in to teach me about how to be a mom. No one came and as the moment to go home from the hospital approached I started to panic! They even gave us a video to watch before we left and I thought it would have helpful training tips, but it was just some random informational thing maybe about carseats or something. 

I had random (no history) preeclampsia with my first pregnancy. It left me so weak I couldn't really walk for the first week after I left.

Ben changed the first diapers and took care of Cody in addition to cleaning up the alpacas and house we were house sitting, finishing his finals, and preparing to go to an interview in Washington two days later (where we ended up going!). This was all supposed to happen before Cody was born but my water broke early (at the law firm where I worked in their new office! ha!). 

The medicine they were giving me intravenously made my vision blurred but I remember as my vision started to return two days later I watched Ben sit down in a chair by the hospital bed. I have never seen such a look of sheer exhaustion in my life. It snapped me back into {slow} action. I sat up, told him to go lay down and rest, and started taking care of Cody.

Lesson #1

Once you have kids, if you are resting, someone else is exhausted.

Lesson #2

Take care of yourself so you can take care of others.
(Those two don't really work together. Ah, the irony of motherhood.)

Lesson #3
and most importantly-

"It's not about me."

This little phrase has helped me in big decisions
like whether or not to work
(that works for my situation and I feel blessed to be able to stay home. personally.)
and small decisions
like whether or not I lay in a hospital bed or get up and start being a mom.

A Peek into my Journal

My "Journal" got pushed to the bottom :)
Cody got 100 golden grizzlies, handed out for being good.
It's not uncommon for second graders to get them, but most of them have had an extra year at this school, so I'm extra proud of Cody. It was so important to him, too and he got lunch with the principal.

He also sat IN the flour yesterday, thinking the lid was on it. NOT happy, SO funny!
He has been so sick and finally getting better.

Dentist yesterday:) No cavities for Macey.
She asked Ben a while ago why he had no clothes and he told her he does have clothes he just puts them away...as opposed to me. I don't always {oops}
Direct quote by Macey a while ago:
"I'm so happy that Kayla can go potty by herself, that's the most awesome part of life, going potty by yourself...[thoughtful pause and she thinks about what she said] But the most awesome part of life is having a family and having a life that is a gift from God..." [still evaluating the words coming out of her mouth...]
I love when she thinks out loud. It is entertaining and sweet.

Mackayla likes me to pretend that I can't find her because she's Elsa.

Macey is doing a good job of teaching Mackayla.
She used to say snoot snack for fruit snack and down the dairs for downstairs and Macey nipped those both in the bud before they became habits. I'm afraid I would have let her say them forever because they are so cute and it made me so happy every time she said them, but, I learned that lesson the hard way. Cody used to say "thems" for "their" and I never corrected it because it was so cute. Then Macey started saying it and then Mackayla started saying it and Then I really had to get aggressive with my correcting. I guess the extra help is nice!
She is getting big!

My journal is kind of like my brain.
It's kind of messy and disorganized, like my brain.
I make lots of lists
Sometimes I plan out my days

I take notes on books I love

It's also my study journal

I have journal entries, too!

Actually I have two journals.
and one I try to keep somewhat organized.
I don't write in them nearly often enough.
I want to more. I think I would learn more and realize blessings more.

Here's a couple of journaling jots lately:

Interesting that in order to move forward you FIRST have to BE STILL. Pondering, praying and searching scriptures let you know God's will, and he directs our paths. Once we know Where to go and What to do, we can MOVE and follow that path.

*"Be still and know that I am God."

D&C 101:16

*

This is not a unique or profound thought but I had never thought about this in this way:

When Jesus came to earth and learned of God and read scripture...He was reading his own words. Would that have resonated with him at first? Obviously, He knew...but when?

...Really, I don't know that answer...

*

Busy people are lonely.

*

*********Also,

It's always a privilege and honor to know someone with an incredible story.  I believe in miracles and I believe this family has seen many miracles. Here's a quick snippet of her: polkadotsonparade.

It's a little overcast today, but yesterday was beautiful!!

Sometimes my kids take over my journal

 Cutting out sugar AND love chocolate? EAT THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thankful

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something.

It gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

 Be thankful for your limitations.

Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge.

Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary.

Because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things. 

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles

and they can become your blessings.

~Author Unknown

Favorites Day 25 - Family

I love these guys, or should I say "my people."

I'm so glad we were finally able to mostly all be together at Thanksgiving!

I grew up with three sisters and one brother and my fourth sister was adopted from Russia when I was in college. My brother wasn't able to come to make it in this picture:(

Here are a few tidbits about my family:

When I was young I loved asking my dad ANYthing and he would know the answer. He loves knowing random things like current world events, and financial info, among many others. As a chemical engineer, he knows what all the ingredients are on the backs of all household bottles of chemical things:)

An important lesson my mom taught me was many years ago. A friend wrote something intended to be hurtful on a text. Instead of lashing back she told me exactly what to say - it was kind. It was the last form of communication I ever had with that person, and I have had peace about that ever since. She taught me to show respect and kindness to others even if they don't to you. My mom doesn't gossip or criticize others, it's really just not in her being.

My older sister Becky's first baby and our first grandbaby is in heaven. She was stillborn but she is definitely still part of our family.

My family's challenges don't define us but they shape us. 

My siblings each have had their share of trials, and a corresponding strength of character I couldn't match.  I admire them.

My brother has a mental illness - bipolar disorder with extreme ADHD as a child. It brought a challenge to growing up life that many people don't experience - for him and us. I love him so much. He deals with this illness the best that he can. He has awesome abilities and talents. Someday he won't have this illness, but he was brave to take it on in this life.

Becky is the one with all the artistic style in our family. They have the perfect home. And apparently you can just drop by and it looks that way. Literally it could be in a magazine. I just don't understand. But I love going over there!

  These guys are finishing school and heading to a job in Seattle in less than two months!! WOOhoo!!

 Steph's baby, now three!, was born with a heart defect and cleft palate. He had three major surgeries including heart surgery as a little baby. They were blessed along the way with: grandparents' help, friends and family support, financial help, wonderful medical staff, and many other things. He's doing great now and we're thankful for all the help they had during that time that came in many forms.

Another member of our family, Cole, my sister Steph's other baby, is in heaven. Delivered at 27 weeks.

I asked her once what meant the most to her during that trial and she named a few simple things that people did, such as my sister bringing her pizza for dinner and watching Clay. And others just letting them know they cared. Sometimes I feel like I don't know what to do or say in times of trials for others, but it was helpful to learn that something and anything is good, even and especially, small things. 

Lynette's three year old, not to be confused with their four or two year old (read: busy), has SMA. He was diagnosed with it less than two years ago and is in a wheelchair. In a small nutshell, neurons aren't telling the muscles to fire resulting in muscle atrophy.

She is sharing some of the details of his life. Read them on his blog here.

My family could teach me a lot about strength...and not the muscle kind.

Well, those are a bunch of serious things about my family. Ultimately, of course we wish they didn't come around, but I hope trials make us closer and stronger in our faith and as a family.

When I think of good memories from my childhood, some of them are:
family movie nights with licorice in my parent's bed
Playing Games
Summer Family Vacations
Grand Targhee
oven pancakes and conference saturdays with conference blaring through the house
making salsa and applesauce (tear for the apple trees RIP){glare at my parents}{smile}
WEEDING
Saturday work (work is good, seriously)
falling down the toilet aka stairs...what was that game called again?
secret santas (the eagle has landed!)
Sunday afternoon naps in the family room while my dad watched football
Lilac bushes
fhe

 Last time we went to Utah around mid January we were just missing the Brady grandkids!

My sister and her husband Jon are incredible photographers!!!!  It takes a lot of work and time to make that many people happy with a picture (at the top) but they managed to do it even if they wanted to just delete me out of it. (I typically have panic attacks every time I see a picture of myself, whaddayado.)

Jon has an incredible eye for scenery shots and Nette is an awesome editor. They're a good team.
This is in Missouri where they live.

Thanks again for our pictures, we LOVE them!

"I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind."
Jeffery R. Holland
"I testify that the Lord has a plan for each of our lives. Nothing that happens is a shock or a surprise to Him. He is all-knowing and all-loving. He is eager to help us, to comfort us, and to ease our pain as we rely on the power of the Atonement and honor our covenants. The trials and tribulation that we experience may be the very things that guide us to come unto Him and cling to our covenants so that we might return to His presence and receive all that the Father hath."
Linda S. Reeves

Poppins Goes To France

**You can help! Donate by mailing a check to The Donna Andrus Donation account, Zions Bank, 33 South Main Street, Kaysville, UT 84037-1922.    

My cousin has had a fairy tale life. She went on a mission to France. Then went back with her mission president to teach their sons school while they were in Europe. They traveled to beautiful places and had a literal study abroad, going to museums and soaking up the culture. Her blog is so much fun to read!! She is an incredible writer and you actually get a feel for the culture of the places they visit.

Then, she met her fiancee there. I got to meet them when they came back to the states and they are such a cute couple! She has started writing their love story on her blog and it's as good as a novel...but better because they're real people:) It's called Poppins Goes to France. You really do have to read it.

Back in Europe and wedding scheduled for December, life threw her a curveball. She interrupts her fantasy story on her blog to announce...she has breast cancer. Honest but optimistic, her writing gives you a glimpse of what it could be like to be in that very situation.  We are thankful for treatments and that she is close to one of the best cancer centers. Did you know that with insurance cancer can be in the ball park of $50,000 to treat?

Elder Anderson from the quorum of the 12 apostles heard her story and gave her a phone call the other day! They had met once before and he remembered her and said they would pray for her in their meeting. Talk about powerful prayers being sent her way. 

If you would like to help be an answer to a prayer donate by mailing a check to The Donna Andrus Donation account, Zions Bank, 33 South Main Street, Kaysville, UT 84037-1922.  

We're praying for you too Donna, stay strong!

*****
I came across this thought in the BYU magazine (one of my favorite magazines:)) and I love it:

Along life's mortal journey
we embrace Christ's
healing power

through our cracks and imperfections.

THAT'S HOW THE LIGHT GETS IN.
Tyler J. Jarvis


Leonard Cohen's "Anthem:"
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in

Tread Lightly

Disclaimer: This is way too long and written in the most non-judgmental way possible for me. Everything we did that I write about was for OUR FAMILY, and only ours. Only some of my closest friends will know how hard this was to write. I didn't write this to justify our actions or defend our decisions. Maybe our experience will be enlightening for someone else taking the road less traveled.

The 2011 DVM graduating class at Washington State University was around 100 students.

That degree was not earned easily.

A handful of the graduates were married.

Four of the 100 had kids.

Those years are not for the faint of heart.

At graduation they had a huge screen showing picture slides of all the graduates
This is what we submitted to be shown at the ceremony, May 7, 2011 (our anniversary!)

I love that Ben considers us part of his graduation. He worked so hard and ultimately did the school work, but we worked together to accomplish that goal.

To think we could have done it without our kids would mean we would have missed out on some of the best memories of our entire lives.

I love these pics taken by my sister and her husband.

Ironically, I would do it all over again, and again and again, I loved it so. much.

Some of my best friends and memories were made struggling through the years of learning how to be a wife, mom, and student all at the same time.

During those years I learned a lot about life. This is one of the better lessons:

Ben and I scrimped and saved for three years prior to school. Ben sold his truck, his horse trailer and his horses. He worked summers during vet school and we took out some student loans. The price of education for a doctor of veterinary medicine is similar to that of lawyers, doctors and dental students, to put it in perspective.

During those four years of school we did not go out to eat (unless our parents treated us, we love you), we did not buy extra things, and our "budget" consisted of 'trying not to spend money' we didn't have to spend to survive.

These are the years I learned how to be a mom and how to be a homemaker, (that includes my attempts at cooking!). We had pondered and prayed endlessly about having kids when we did. We had talked about waiting until we were done with school. By the time I got pregnant I already knew Ben would be going to vet school. He was just finishing up his bachelor's degree. In fact, just a couple days after Cody was born Ben flew to Washington for his interview! Before I got pregnant I added the numbers over and over again in my head. How do moms not work when their husbands are in school?  Have you wondered that? But as we prayed and talked we decided we would take the plunge into the unknown, do our best, and trust it would all work out. I believe God answers prayers.

After I had my first baby, having done paralegal work, I got a job as a legal coder that I could do from home. I battled with a little bit of baby blues that seemed to extend to a bit of post partum (nothing incredibly serious, but still a bummer) and I was also 'blessed' to either not have a child who didn't need sleep, or I didn't have the capability to get him to sleep - day or night. I worked as a legal coder part time for several months and then just couldn't make it work and keep my sanity. After that, during vet school for extra income I also babysat, delivered medication, made beaded watches (broke even:)!), and a few other random things (chacha - ugh!). Mostly though, I was home with the kiddos.

Doing legal coding with my helper buddy

After the first year of living on savings we began taking out minimal students loans for some living expenses. Buying a sweater for $30 on loans feels wrong, but thinking about buying a sweater for $30 times 30 years of interest at 7% feels like a sin. It made self control a little easier. We took out barely enough to survive each semester and always paid tithing on any extra income we made. One time I bought a pair of nice running shoes with birthday money from my parents and it felt like a huge exorbitant purchase. It's the only time I remember buying something even remotely that expensive. Anything above ten dollars that wasn't simply to allow us to survive was carefully considered and discussed. I cannot count the number of times I would wonder how the numbers added up at the end of each semester and would conclude that I believe in paying tithing.

Also at the end of that year we had an opportunity that felt like an answer to our prayers. We were applying to manage several apartment complexes of campus housing. We knew the hiring manager and he told us we unofficially had the job, we just had to formally interview. This job would allow us to get through vet school. Because I had PREVIOUSLY decided that I was going to be home with my kids, this was the perfect job-it would allow me to do that.  I can't explain what happened at the meeting to decide our fate. It supposedly lasted a long time and was split 50/50 but they ended up giving the job to a different, and I'm sure, nice, couple. They barely could speak conversational english. It was not in the cards for us. It was humbling.

Working is a wonderful option. I admire the women who do. I babysat one mother's kids during her husband's first year of vet school. I know the hours involved with that dreaded first year (oh, and all the other years). I knew she rarely, IF EVER, saw her husband. But I don't know how it is to work at a job and raise my kids alone. Occasionally she would bring her new baby over wearing the same thing from the day before, after she had worked all night long. I would bathe that sweet baby maybe not fully realizing the sacrifice that must have been for their family. It kind of brings tears to my eyes thinking about how hard they were working for what they believed in. She is a GOOD MOM. I admire that family.

I have another friend who, after paying childcare, made $2 an hour. But she told me that at the end of the month they needed those $2 an hour paychecks to make ends meet. She is now the manager, but she never could have known that in the beginning. It was right for her family. She told me how judged she felt when people found that out, and that is sad to me. It is so easy to judge each other. But frankly,  we're all doing what's best for our own families.

I have another brilliant friend who is an attorney. Amidst other associates who might not choose to raise a family she chose to have a baby. She is finding balance between staying up all night and working to provide a living and pay off student loan debt while her husband finishes medical school. That takes courage and sacrifice too.

Ben, me and baby #3!

We did not get through vet school without other help. As we sacrificed and worked towards accomplishing that thing called self reliance, we found we needed some help just to get us through the toughest years. And while we put in the grit and hard work of fulfilling a dream, our parents gave us the extra push to get us through. I'm afraid there is not enough we could ever to do repay them. It seemed like someone was always sending a baby outfit or helping out with new car tires or coming to visit. When I toot my own horn about being frugal, I'm not acknowledging that moms would occasionally send generous care packages, that my mom would send a new shirt just because or that my mother in law surprised me by sending me my much loved sewing machine for my birthday. And much more. One dear friend used to send us gift certificates. I was so grateful that at graduation both of our parents were able to attend. It was a tribute to them and as much their accomplishment as ours.

Ben's overwhelmingly long hours in school completely ruled out the slightest possibility of him working during the school year, and the probability of me finding employment to justify paying for daycare and substantial enough to cover living expenses was minimal in this small college, land-island town, but as I mentioned earlier I had PREVIOUSLY decided not to work. Our family needed the stability of someone in the home when one of the parents couldn't be there, and that decision felt right for our family. Aren't we lucky that we don't have to judge each other? We can leave that to the judgments of God. Praying and doing what is best for YOUR FAMILY is always the right answer.

An unforeseen ending to (or prolonging of!) school led Ben to his internship (again, a great decision for our family). Even though internships barely pay enough for ONE PERSON to survive let alone five we never went without and always had some to spare. I believe in working hard and I. Believe. in paying tithing.

What a blessing we had to know that things would get better. I can't imagine living far below the poverty level without the hope of a better life. That sacrifice will always be worth the benefit. Even at our lowest point, we knew things would change.

I feel blessed to have a husband and family who support me in my decision to stay at home. I am grateful for a mother in law who raised her son 'at home' and a mother who raised me 'at home.' It is becoming a lost art that is not valued. I am not concerned with what the world values. I feel that for our family and our circumstances, staying at home for me is the best option and the one I humbly and gratefully choose. The numbers don't always add up, but the blessings do! I don't assume that every mom should stay home, every family is different. Everyone's circumstances are different. Am I admitting that I'm not smart enough to have a high paying career? I don't think so. Some moms can find a lucrative enough job to make it worth finding child care. Others choose not to. But there is not one right answer.
I DON'T think we should judge each other. Good people can choose different things.

Basically, I DO think living within our means is so vitally important. Even if sometimes that means having less. Sometimes having less is more. This is what really makes me happy:

The easiest thing to do is to support great causes, sign stirring petitions, endorse grand philosophies. The hardest thing to do - and it is getting harder all of the time - is to be a good husband, a good wife, a strong father, a strong mother, an honorable friend and neighbor.
~James Q. Wilson "The Moral Life"

This is a great article: What is truth?